1. |
Draw the Sun
05:17
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If I go out on another 300 day weekend I'm scared I'll catch my death this time my dear.
My fingers on the handle and I want to escape
And even If I do return it's a destructive path that leads me here
Maybe I've already started
This instinct has sunk into my skin,
the moment that she left or I've been on it all along and It fluctuates in strength.
Maybe I'm still playing the same ridiculous games I wrote subconsciously at 17, because I can't explain it now all I've wanted's at my doorstep
and I wont answer the call and yet again I'd rather fall
Because I feel like shit
And maybe you can only find happiness if you're already happy to begin with.
Some days I hope the train will hit me
Some days I hope it stays away
How many times can I draw the sun, then slowly paint it grey?
Slowly paint it grey.
I do not care about my health I do not care about my mind
All I care about these days are all the things I've left behind
How they bury in the past of how I always see it now
Exaggerated by the disguise, of a rose tinted glass
Bottomless and emptying fast and theres no chance to resoulve that now, we're driving for the future passing every fear like
flashing level crossings in the dark and I let go of the brakes
Passing every day is like falling down a staircase
With every twist and bruise I never want to meet that landing
I'm so scared, of being stuck in the same place so on and on I'll fall
Some days I hope the train will hit me
Some days I hope it stays away
How many times can I draw the sun, then slowly paint it grey?
Slowly paint it grey.
Colourblind in the sunlight
Taking knives to a gunfight
Take me out of my numb mind
When I get the keys, they always change the locks
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2. |
Sleep
03:20
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Sat down with a good old friend last week at a table too familiar
In a place we know so well we could run it both ourselves
Clink goes the glasses and down with the beer and he asks me
What have you been up to this year?
Well now my main job is simply shutting my eyes long enough to qualify as rest and yes I have a job but any kind of modern labour
created by our prosperous heritage could ever match up to the
simple task of sleep.
Most nights it feels like I haven't slept at all of course I have
just not enough to move ahead a day or to feel alive under my skin
It's a constant haze that I am under even now I am drifting
Instead of walking I am swimming through the air
everything feels heavier to me these gusts of wind and currents
come close to sweeping me away.
On rare occasion I find the sheets welcome me
I sink in and drift asleep like there's no difficulty at all
I get met by my alarm in the morning instead of me switching it off hours before I mean to wake, It's great to catch my breath
but it's such a stretch to inhale and exhale and inhale again
And if I do get on a path to success,
to finally feel at peace with movements and not
constantly forcing myself in and out of bed.
Jaded.
Hopeless.
When I do get that constant access to rest at first it's peaceful
But then the demons come...
Forcing me awake with inhuman Strength
Forcing down on my throat stopping my breathing
but when I open my eyes there's nothing there, an empty room
But this force is over me, choking me and I shake myself from my
Shoulders and I feel it loosen off and I am saved away from
Nightmares but stolen from the sleep I craved so much
My eyes are dry and heavy as I stumble through the morning
Forcing myself through every standard, mindless routine
I get up to eat my breakfast still feeling full from the day before
Because there's no start or end from one day to the next
Just the moon rises and the sun sets.
Small talk conversations drain me but I can't be impolite
Act as normal as possible so no-one knows my fight
with my bed sheets and pillow cases and my restless mind
How the only thing I want to do is go back into the warmth of all these
frustrations hoping this time I'll triumph
But I know I wont,
When will it end?
How did it start?
I know it always wasn't like this..
Back to my friend across the table who I wish I said this too
But of course I lied and lied
Decided instantly that what I have is normal
We're here for a good time so I shut of all my angers
Drank them down once again
Hoping that this time by not caring, or if I drink enough
It will reward me with rest.
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3. |
Ink
05:40
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My thoughts exist as post-it notes, frail against the wind and
blown away in seconds, with my strength growing thin
A paper arch protects me, In her arms I feel no pain
A ruined book reflects me and it's pages read my shame.
My mind speaks in short sentences but can never take a phase
My spine has lost it's title and barely holds each page
I'm gathering dust on lonely shelves surrounded by decay
My eyes read further onwards, once again into the fray
I beg you hold me together as months pass every day and
I'll talk about the weather, and think selfishly of escape.
I'll look towards the future with wealth in every sight
My eyes on older days, spent in glorious nights.
Forever takes a meaning, meanings always change and
Change is always set to happen, chapters to be raised
And as the rain pours down my back the ink runs clean
I'm finally going to get my own release from these dreaded pages
How they keep me so engrossed, how these chains force around my mind forcing me to open, open and never close.
These pages got the worst of me and shaded every memory and
I've read all of the scripts, I didn't write them all myself
They've coloured in the margins, suffocates my right to left
And removed the full stops so I can't breathe
So I can't Breathe
It echoes like a siren, the mistakes that we made and
We're still trying, recover and fail and then re-shape
and I've stopped lying to myself or at least I think I have or
I've gotten so good at it now that I've simply just lost track
of when I win and when I lose, the emotions just a blur
and If I spare a thought towards it, it makes no sense at all.
There's no contents to this book, no start or no end
but it's not about conclusions, just the journey and every step and
I can't pretend anymore, all these words are borrowed
And it's hard to feel sincere when you heart just feels so hollow.
I beg you hold me together, help me smile through the pain
and I'll talk about the weather and turn the corner of each page
I keep running round in circles leaving bookmarks in the past and
I can't understand it, maybe I read it all to fast?
forever takes a meaning, meanings always change and change is always set to happen, chapters to be raised.
And as the rain pours down my back the ink runs clean
I'm finally going to get my own release from these dreaded pages
How they keep me so engrossed, how these chains force around my mind forcing me to open, open and never close.
These pages got the worst of me and shaded every memory and
I've read all of the scripts, I didn't write them all myself
They've coloured in the margins, suffocates my right to left
And removed the full stops so I can't breathe
So I can't Breathe
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4. |
Will You be There
04:27
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So Strong for so long but so many chinks in our armour
made the fights re-occur in the midst of our madness.
You always want to find the answers but I lost track of all the questions
and maybe the answers that you needed I didn't know how to give
Maybe I couldn't deliver them at that time
or I couldn't read between your viscous lines
Maybe I still can't be your perfect person but my heart still wants to try
It hasn't felt such a fire so intense since departed from my life
and I think about you fondly, all the hate and colder nights
I've painted over in my mind with your love, you laughter and your kind.
Every time you drawn in line with the vision of my eyes I had to look the other way, try and open my mouth and say whatever words that come out
but before I could speak I put a bottle to my lips and drank my fear away.
Just Drank my fear away..
It makes me feel crazy that I can't even say hello but instead I drink myself sick and out the door.
common sense has drawn a line around,
guards you and tells me not to cross.
It's like my heart is screaming at my head and this storm in my body
make me run away, why can't I fight instead?
Why am I always such a coward, so scared of what I'll find?
It's stopped me from sending every stupid little message
every chance to say hello, every phonecall
and just leaves me screaming why?
Why can't I erase you from my mind?
How you haunt my every movement as I lie awake at night
Is this torture or is this healing?
I don't know the difference anymore and this
last attempt to figure anything out isn't making me any more sure
I will always find comfort in the fact that
even if there's nothing left between us too
If I ever need inspiration all I need to do is think of you.
I still don't have all the answers but I promise I'll keep on looking until I find enough to break me from this spell,
Still stupidly relying on fate, its all I have left to believe that will bring
us back together, those stupid promises we made before our ties
were severed still sticks to me like my shadow.
How you course through my veins.
I only feel my heart beat when I get closer to you like some sort of detector, you're so much more of a part of me now
How you course through my veins.
I crave you like the nicotine and sugars I use every day
and it's all just memorys
Maybe I'm fooling myself
Maybe you moved on years ago
Thats probably why I'm so scared of the day I meet you in case
The gerbil I once loved, has faded too far away and you're gone.
It's a wound that will not heal
Cut from broken glass and spills out in memory's
There's a place that we both know
My teenage paradise a place we both called home
A day will come I won't be scared
And when I return, will you be there?
Cause I'm solving all my problems but this problem never ends
I know its me who caused this will I ever make amends
No, it doesn't bother me every single day but tonight
I want to give my very best to you..
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5. |
Wrecking Ball
05:54
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soon we shall enslave the dolphins
Soon...
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6. |
Paper Lanterns
01:20
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Eye's wide open through the night as we painter our own futures together.
Shades and colours, divine, so full of hope now it's left in tatters.
The nails that once dug in my back now scratch through thin canvas of us.
A tongue that was once so soothing now cuts me like a knife.
The dead of night, cigarette smoke trailing through street lights,
My mind races faster than my legs could ever carry me
But the day is done and I search desperately for my key.
Slamming the key, twist, open the door and I am shut off from the outside
but before the lights flicker I see your familiar shadow from across the Hallway to the bedroom, lying peacefully on your side of the bed.
Lights switch on and yet again I'm dreaming the past
because I'm still here and you're long gone.
This house was once a home
This room still has an aching soul
These memory's are still so fresh
and It chills me to the bone.
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7. |
American Football
06:32
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I can't forget it, those promises we made and
I know we meant it, did we even know what we were saying at all?
So stuck on the tracks to live fast to an early death
So we're not just plants in nursing homes waiting to be fed
waiting for deaths slender touch to rid us from the torture of
seeing yourself decay, just because you were brave enough to hold on
or maybe you were to scared to escape your fate?
and if we don't get out it's a fate that awaits us all, its waiting for us
and it's hungrier with every passing second of the clock
Whats life when you lose all purpose
wheres hope when you forget it all?
Sometimes I can't sleep from thinking about it,
how everything ends and why?
How nobody, gets out alive
Maybe I should stop asking questions because nobody want to know
Does your life flash right before you?
Does it suddenly get so cold?
Is it darkness or light that surround your vision do you make that choice on your own?
Is there more to this existence than just drowning in alcohol?
Only I can control my body but I have no control at all
Why try? Why care? Why worry?
Is it crazy to worry at all?
Will we float out from our bodies just to kiss the ceiling above?
Why Love? Why Laugh? Why Worry?
Is it crazy to love at all?
Every cigarette makes your last breath closer as temptation feeds the soul.
Every whiskey makes the days seem shorter its a pace I like to hold.
Long nights and hazy days is the modern we chose,
carry outs and ash trays and t-shirts in the cold.
Thinking back to younger days as memories unfold
not much has changed we act the same but instead of friendships,
Its our vices we hold.
And I can't find the point in time when we gave up on living life the way we dreamed it would be.
The difference between being alive and wasting away isn't clear anymore but it's the elephant in every room and echoes out in every voice that I hear.
Maybe I should stop asking questions because nobody want to know
Does your life flash right before you?
Does it suddenly get so cold?
Is it darkness or light that surround your vision do you make that choice on your own?
Is there more to this existence than just drowning in alcohol?
Only I can control my body but I have no control at all
Why try? Why care? Why worry?
Is it crazy to worry at all?
Will we float out from our bodies just to kiss the ceiling above?
Why Love? Why Laugh? Why Worry?
Is it crazy to love at all?
This lifeforce we hold, it's all that we know
A body strains for us as the mind tries to control and
I can only imagine the end will come
In a way we might lose love for someone it might
come out of nowhere and sweep you off your feet
or it might gradually degrade until there's nothing left but
Bodies on the street.
In a void that hold no purpose what can we ever hope to achieve?
We'll all be turned to dust and ashes but I won't let life take all of me.
What we have feels infinite but once its gone its gone so lets
Make the the most of every opportunity,
Get another round in at the bar and let friends erase fears because
what goes up must come down but I promise you my friends
Once you fall you will rise again.
Spent so long trying to define the difference between staying alive and just living and I don't care what you chose anymore my friends just
Keep on existing.
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