Futility

from Drifting Apart Without Drowning by Before Stories

	/

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lyrics

I can't find it
So many things that I'm looking for
I can't describe it
But I know that there's some kind of void
My sent box is full of applications, notable contacts and follow up questions
My inbox is full of spam and my mate Chris

A friendly smile against so many missed opportunity's
I should have applied months ago
I curse at my futility
Being stuck in my ways holding the last shreds of optimism
while ignoring the fact that everyone's laughing behind my back
Like I'm part of some act
Some repetitive pest that's the butt of the joke
too ignorant to realise that he's never going to see what he wants to see
during his daily routine of coffee and keys
Drinking too much during real opportunity's

Being to shy to talk to the right kind of people
Being to negative towards music professionals
for obvious yet undermining reasons
Slaving away weeks months and years
just to stay in the same place I started in
I'm still no better now than when I was 19
I'm still no better than that petty thief
I'm still no worse off for being me

Worrying about whats left behind me rather than what I've got ahead
The ghosts of countless nights well watered but less fed
throwing out any forms of keepsakes and things that were important once
I live in the past too often to need items to summon me back
Regular occurrences of forgetting where I am combined with
Obsession with were everyone else seems to be
they say life's not competition but you lose if you don't compete
Jaded yet still chasing dreams that I know don't exist

Nothing feels right anymore
Nothing feels right anymore
What's the point in any of this
I'm far too old and jaded
What's the point in keeping
Why am I still driven to do this when attention left me years ago
My writings far too miserable now to be taken seriously
Seems I'm far too much a liar to be believed
I'm too deep into this now
If I pulled out no one would ever know these words
and this is all I know.

credits

from Drifting Apart Without Drowning, released May 25, 2019

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Before Stories Aberdeen, UK

Songs about bad decisions

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